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Surviving marriage: Stop these common mistakes

When served with divorce papers, instead of googling for 'divorce lawyers near me'. Look for ways to save your marriage. 

Divorce is a tough experience for a married couple. With kids involved, it doesn't make it easier. But not everyone wants to go through a divorce. Especially since it can lead to a fight for child custody.  Leaving a whole life behind is also quite draining, even for people who file for divorce.

1. Marriage Problems

Couples going through rough times will ask, "How Can I Stop My Divorce?" There is no honest catch-all answer or solution to the question; each marriage and each person is different. You can stop your divorce before it starts. Here are some common mistakes to avoid before the 'D' word becomes an option.

A strong marriage requires patience, understanding, and mutual respect. However, even the most devoted couples can fall into patterns that unintentionally harm their relationship. Here are some common marriage mistakes to avoid:

∎ Not Respecting Boundaries

Even though you're a couple, you're still individuals with unique needs and boundaries. Respect your spouse's personal space and their need for alone time.

∎ Keeping Score

Marriage is a partnership, not a competition. Keeping a score of who did what leads to resentment and dissatisfaction. Focus on teamwork instead.

∎ Lack of Communication

How can you convey your love if you can't say it? You need to work together to determine what makes your marriage not work. And then do or stop doing the things causing the divorce action. Then, once you work hard to save your marriage and are in a safe and calm state, you can then profess your love.

Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage. Misunderstandings, assumptions, and unexpressed feelings can lead to resentment over time. Practice active listening and express your thoughts and feelings respectfully.

∎ Taking Each Other for Granted

Over time, becoming complacent and taking your spouse for granted is easy. Remember to appreciate each other regularly, and never underestimate the power of a heartfelt "thank you."

∎ Avoiding Conflict

Conflict in marriage is inevitable. Avoiding it can lead to unresolved issues and resentment. Instead of avoiding conflict, learn how to have constructive arguments that lead to problem-solving.

∎ Ignoring Financial Discussions

Money is a common cause of stress in marriages. Be open and honest about your finances. Make a budget together, discuss financial goals, and make decisions as a team.

∎ Emotional Blackmail

Another common mistake is to engage in emotional blackmail. Saying things like "I love you, I cannot live without you" so they don't divorce you. Those three words are one of the most powerful phrases. It carries so much weight and is not for fixing a failing marriage. Save the line for when the marriage is back on track.

2. Actions Speak Louder

This time, saying or doing the same thing to win their forgiveness will not work. It is best to show that you want your marriage to last. Show that you have changed by actually changing.

A common mistake is saying that you will be better or that things have changed without doing anything to change. Saying "I have changed' will not stop a divorce. This sort of line is rarely believed. It sounds desperate and insincere. Especially if you have broken promises in the past, it does not matter how sincere you are now or how much you think they want to hear it. 

∎ Spend Quality Time

In the hustle and bustle of life, couples often forget to spend quality time together. Make a conscious effort to enjoy shared activities, strengthening your bond and creating lasting memories.

∎ Get Intimate

Physical intimacy is important in a marriage, but so is emotional intimacy. Be sure to nurture both. Small gestures of affection, open communication, and shared experiences can foster a deeper connection.

∎ Avoid Arguments

Do not enter into an argument, and do not start an argument. Although your partner is also at fault for your bad marriage, this is not the right time to play the blame game. All that will do is add to the problem. The root of the problem can only come to light if you remove the competition and the need to win.

Your goal is to save your marriage and keep your family together. So, call your spouse, sit down, and talk things out. Express that you don't want to lose them and are willing to do what it takes to save your marriage. You can also suggest that you both go see a therapist to get help.

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Final Thoughts

Every marriage has its highs and lows. By avoiding these common mistakes, you can work towards a healthier, stronger, and happier marriage. Just as it takes two to tango, it takes two to make a marriage work. Celebrate your successes, learn from your mistakes, and face challenges together - that's the secret to a thriving marriage. Take action and seek help where necessary to save your marriage from divorce. Do not attack, use actions over words. It will be through making changes that things will change.

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